“Heheheheh, you’re one to talk, missy. Didn’t tell me about yourself either, did you?”
The unmasked phantom thief’s distinctive wheezing laugh revealed her to be an elderly woman.
Her small frame was clad in a tailored tuxedo, cape, and silk top hat—the very image that comes to mind for a phantom thief, mismatched with her advanced age.
Her name and face rang a distant bell in Lonzder’s memory
from seeing her with Detective Oliver at the museum yesterday.
“…… I’m surprised.”
Two things, specifically. That the phantom thief was an old woman.
And that someone this elderly was one of the Unlaws.
In the past year and a half, they’d seen various Unlaws, but never one this old. The general rule was that abilities tended to awaken in the late teens to twenties.
Of course not everyone followed that pattern, and the oldest Unlaws they knew of previously was around fifty, but Filgie-Mule clearly broke that record—
she looked to be seventy if not older.
“It doesn’t matter who I am to the likes of us.”
“Well now. Since you’re a detective, I was expecting some deduction like yesterday.”
“Look who’s talking.”
Lonzder’s grip tightened on the cigarette in the hand that had been smashed by the thief yesterday.
“Hmm. I’d have thought it would be healed by now if you’re one of us.”
“Hah, of course it’s healed.”
But Lonzder smiled gently.
“It’s a good-luck charm.”
“How cheap.”
Norman shrugged sheepishly, trying to deflect.
“Heheh, passionate youth.”
“You’re awfully funky for an old lady. What was with that calling card?”
“Ah…that. I was quite disappointed by it.”
She sighed, a mix of disappointment and exasperation,
as if it was nothing like she’d expected.
“I left so many blatant hints, over and over—five times with the exact same one. You’re the first to catch on, Detective.”
“I did feel the police were more incompetent than I’d thought. Quite a letdown.”
“I didn’t really get it either.”
“That’s just about right for a detective’s assistant. Can’t have you being too clever.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Heheheh.”
The old woman laughed, glancing around at the display case across from Lonzder and Norman.
It was empty.
“So ya moved the diamond somewhere, didja? Wasn’t told that part.”
“Of course not. I had it moved. The director was blathering about upholding Balldlum’s honor against you, trying to set traps and decoys and such.”
“Laughable, really. With the very thief they wanted to stop right under their noses. Well, I suppose the director had to keep up appearances.”
Norman was a bit lost, since he hadn’t been informed about moving the diamond
thanks to Lonzder keeping him in the dark as usual.
“It’s simple, Norman. Yesterday, remember the people surrounding the diamond case? The detective and director were obvious. Then there were three women and a middle-aged man in workman’s clothes. The old lady here was one of the scholars, and the man a locksmith.”
“And their purpose?”
“With a thief expected to strike the heavily guarded museum, there was no way outsiders would be allowed in. Those four clearly weren’t security guards. So what were they doing? Dressed as workmen, so they were there to work on something. Timing-wise, they were likely setting traps or reinforced locks on the case. The women were experts brought in to prepare decoys sophisticated enough to fool the thief and verify if they’d work.”
And then.
“But that was just a sideshow.”
“—How clever.”
Her eyes gleamed as if that realization thrilled her.
“I nearly burst out laughing when you showed up.”
“Instead you crushed my hand.”
“Even stevens, dear. At my age doing something like this, well, I got a bit carried away. Had to get some adjustments made, take some medical leave to get my powers under control at first. Same for you?”
“Who can say?”
“Is your assistant just a regular human?”
“Yes, more or less.”
“Ah, what a shame.”
“Don’t worry, there are plenty more like us in this city.”
“Ah yes—how wonderful.”
Her grin widened
with each exchange, The arc of her mouth hangs higher and higher with every conversation.
tightening, straining, until Norman could feel the air thrumming with tension.
He sensed it but did nothing about it.
“You seem the more experienced monster between us. I envy that—how many of our kind have you played with?”
“Hard to keep track. Some were worth remembering, some weren’t.”
“I’d love to know.”
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT LOCALIZERMEERKAT.PAGES.DEV
The thief persisted, seemingly unconcerned about the lack of the diamond she’d announced her intentions to steal.
“When I first gained this power, I was certainly surprised. My children had long since moved out, my husband died in the war. With nowhere else to go, I came to Balldlum and this happened.”
Balldlum—the windless city encircled by walls.
The final destination for wanderers carrying their respective reasons on the wind.
“And once your power settled, what did you think next?”
“What could I do with it? How far could I take it?”
“Heheheheh.”
She laughed incessantly at the promptly given answer.
The grin wouldn’t stop. She had deviated from normal, strayed from ordinary. Transcended mere humanity.
And she reveled in it, channeled it into action.
“But playing make-believe phantom thief was too easy to be any fun. And trying to hide my abilities and pretend to be normal just led to bottled-up stress.”
“Indeed. We can masquerade easily enough, but at our core we’re monsters.”
The Transient form was the most suitable for daily life among Unlaws. In essence, simply constantly manifesting exaggerated physical abilities—maintain control over that, and they could pass unnoticed on the inside to an extent. Of course, true assimilation was impossible.
“Ah, I understand the feeling, thief. That’s why I came.”
The jewel that had strayed from humanity just kept laughing.
The Unlaws woman’s laughter never ceased.
She and I—we’re quite alike, it seemed.
“A detective is one who dissects, explains, dismantles and exposes the truth—a profaner. Let’s have an answer session. Your reason for acting as you did. Why did you decide to become a phantom thief?”
She inhaled deeply,
“You simply wanted to use your Unlaws abilities to the fullest.”
She declared
“The thievery was incidental—the calling card was the real aim. A crime enabled by an old woman’s supernatural physical prowess and phasing abilities. You wanted someone to try and stop you—no, what you craved was a playmate.”
Lonzder’s grin didn’t fade. Filgie was still smiling too.
“Challenging me was you hoping to provoke a reaction, like an immature brat looking for attention. Utterly laughable. But I understand the feeling. There was a time before I met this man that I went through something similar myself.”
So.
“I’ll indulge you, keep an old maid company in her belated rebellious phase.”
“Heheheheh!”
The air warped. Not with killing intent or bloodlust or any kind of violent ambition.
It was surely pure instinct. An overwhelming, primal drive to unleash one’s full capabilities as a living being. Lonzder had anticipated this would happen.
Once she grasped the thief’s motivation, that’s why Lonzder hadn’t revealed Thistle’s identity.
The who didn’t matter. The how wasn’t that big a deal.
Fellow Unlaws. Kindred outliers. A squabble between fringe monsters.
A brief intersection of those who had strayed from the path.
After that, it couldn’t be stopped.
“Norman-Hamish!”
Lonzder shouted, eyes blazing.
“I, a detective, will say it! This is a monster! I, no detective, will ask! May I devour this monster!? Well!? May I!? Answer me, human!”
The air trembled from the cry. As Norman awaited Lonzder’s response, fists clenched.
As tightly as could be.
So Norman answered. This was the initiation rite for Lonzder and Norman.
Before the dense premonition of violence that would make ordinary people faint just by being there, he touched his felt hat and told the beast on the verge of explosion in a casual-looking motion.
“——Yes, please. Go all out.”
Those words were the signal.
“Hahha! I’ll show you the way out, you shitty old hag who doesn’t know her age!”
“Hihihi! I’ll enjoy playing with this young lady who doesn’t know respect for her elders!”
The two ‘Unlaws’.
The two [Deviants].
The two monsters.
Exposed their abnormalities.
Simply underneath the madness of wanting to enjoy——
●
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